Father knows best.....
Well here it is one year of sobriety. Time to celebrate? Actually I find myself reflecting on how I got from point A to point B.
The past year has been a time for digging deep to find answers about myself. As far as those that surround me, it's been a case of cautious optimism. Sure "that smile" I used to have is back, my decisions are well thought out and I've been more than strong attending functions with friends where the wine and alcohol flow freely. Hey, I know who and what I am or what I've become. It's been a very long road to get here!
There has been a great deal of forgiving and at times none in return, but that's what it's all about right? It's okay to bottle up old anger and throw it out to sea. You just have to hope the tide does not toss it back your way. I don't see that happening. I've mentioned my dad in earlier postings. He had this amazing capacity to forgive. He lives in me, I know that now. I have what I call "Toby" moments and just look up and smile when they happen.
My father and I shared a special bond while I cared for him. We cried together when the night was rough. Sometimes we didn't even have to speak and we'd break out in tears. My dad did something one day that has touched me forever. I was having a pretty bad day with my mom and was on the couch next to him teary-eyed. His usual "What's wrong son?" followed. "I want to know what this is all about. I mean everything." My dad started to cry: "He's never coming back." he said as we both held each other and wept. Toby respected and mourned what we both lost. He'd been there and knew the loss that could result. Then my father whispered something to me I've kept to myself to this day.
To this wonderful man who always had a few dollars in his pocket for you no matter if it was his last, a man that never judged but forgave, a man who worked tirelessly to give us anything we wanted, a man who fought his own demons and paid the price, a kind-hearted soul who saw good in everyone and finally his spirit that helped me turn it all around a year ago. Daddy, thank you. I'm smiling more than ever and we both know why? I love you!
The past year has been a time for digging deep to find answers about myself. As far as those that surround me, it's been a case of cautious optimism. Sure "that smile" I used to have is back, my decisions are well thought out and I've been more than strong attending functions with friends where the wine and alcohol flow freely. Hey, I know who and what I am or what I've become. It's been a very long road to get here!
There has been a great deal of forgiving and at times none in return, but that's what it's all about right? It's okay to bottle up old anger and throw it out to sea. You just have to hope the tide does not toss it back your way. I don't see that happening. I've mentioned my dad in earlier postings. He had this amazing capacity to forgive. He lives in me, I know that now. I have what I call "Toby" moments and just look up and smile when they happen.
My father and I shared a special bond while I cared for him. We cried together when the night was rough. Sometimes we didn't even have to speak and we'd break out in tears. My dad did something one day that has touched me forever. I was having a pretty bad day with my mom and was on the couch next to him teary-eyed. His usual "What's wrong son?" followed. "I want to know what this is all about. I mean everything." My dad started to cry: "He's never coming back." he said as we both held each other and wept. Toby respected and mourned what we both lost. He'd been there and knew the loss that could result. Then my father whispered something to me I've kept to myself to this day.
To this wonderful man who always had a few dollars in his pocket for you no matter if it was his last, a man that never judged but forgave, a man who worked tirelessly to give us anything we wanted, a man who fought his own demons and paid the price, a kind-hearted soul who saw good in everyone and finally his spirit that helped me turn it all around a year ago. Daddy, thank you. I'm smiling more than ever and we both know why? I love you!
posted by Matthew Cortez at 2/17/2006 10:15:00 AM
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