"Amazon.com" profiling and "What did you say?"

Since when did anyone give "Amazon.com" the right to "out" me to myself. Geez! you buy one "dance" CD and the next thing you know your flooded with recommendations of "Cher's Farewell Tour Greatest Hits", "Cher's "I Swear This is the Last Farewell Tour" Greatest Hits with scary bonus DVD", "Beaches" on DVD and "Judy Garland at Carnagie Hall." And it doesn't stop there. I get offers for subscriptions to "Out" magazine and great deals on books like: "The Boyfriend Inside", inside where?

My great friend Rachel once used my computer to look for books on antique furniture. Rachel knows I'm gay, but after buying a couple of books she remaked: "You buy a lot of gay stuff. What the fugh?? I thought to myself. She was right as the screen was offering everything but the rainbow flag. I said to her: "Great, and your buying books on antique furnitue is really going to help.

When I was a single gay man, I tried my best to groom what the Lord gave me and left the rest to fate. I'm pretty approachable (no giggles from anyone who knows me) but was always amazed at what someone staring off in the distance would come up and say. I hope you'll find these amusing.

1.) "You have some nice hairy legs. I'd love to lick them." (Yikes and Yuk!)

2.) "I'd like to talk to you about something serious?" (This always means run very fast.) He's married, from out of town and would like to know your sexual proclivity.)

3.) "I bought you this beer and I see it's the wrong kind because I couldn't see your label across the room."

4.) "You think you're ALL that, just standing here talking to no one." (speaks for itself)

5.) "You're so straight-acting" (I'll never understand that one, obviously he needs to see my Amazon.com homepage)

6.) "Can I ask you something?" (See #2)

For my very few readers, I have 3 gay siblings: 2 brothers and a sister:
7.) "Do you and your brothers ever get it on?" (see comments for #1)

8.) "You're Italian with a big nose so you must have a big hose!?" (WRONG!)

9.) "Can I see your nipples? (What?)

10.) "Are you into armpits?" (well, only when I'm putting on deordorant)

11.) "I have to leave with friends to go to dinner and I'm leaving you my FAVORITE baseball cap (places it on my head.) You wouldn't leave with a guy's favorite baseball cap, would you? (I fell for this one as it was a come on line by my current partner John.)

I hope you chuckled a bit through those. I've learned it's always best when single and out alone to be the guy standing by himself and "talking to no one"