Wednesday, March 19, 2008

"Alone again.......naturally"

I've always had a net of some sort when it came to my relationships. Some would say what's wrong with that; our partners are supposed to be supportive....a net.

The end of 2007 and realities of 2008 have brought me to new place. To me, being alone can be as frightening as a surgical procedure. I realize it's time to step out without that net. Of course my decision can cause a world of hurt and questions to my partner, but if you can't love yourself you really are incapable of fully giving yourself to someone else.

It seems everyone has a spin on my latest break - up from "post traumatic stress" from all the medical drama at the end of last year to "you're just messed up." I would say the events of last year made me start thinking more about me and what I want and right now I want to be by myself. Yes, finally make my own decisions and deal with their consequences, finally take care of myself.

I don't know just where I'm going
tomorrow it's a little overwhelming
the air is cold and I'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction for too long now
I've lost my own reflection
I can't look down if you're not there to catch me when I fall

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my right of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
at least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid 'cause it's my turn to be brave

All along all you ever wanted was to be the light when my life was daunting
but you can't see yours when you feel as though I'm pushing you away
Well, whose to blame? Are we making the right choices? 'Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices. As we close the door even though we are so desperate to stay

.........It's my turn to be brave.