"These things happen in threes..."
With the passing of ABC news anchor, Peter Jennings and actress Barbara Bel Geddes ("Miss Ellie" from the long running CBS TV series "Dallas") from lung cancer along with the announcement of Dana Reeve and her diagnosis of the disease, this week has hit too close to home for me.
I lost my father, Jerry "Toby" Cortez, (a long-time smoker) to this horrible disease last September. He was 70 years old. My dad was diagnosed and underwent surgery in October 2002 to remove a small mass from the lower right lobe of his lung. The doctor's informed us that dad was "stage 1" and his prognosis good. No chemotherapy would be necessary. His recovery was difficult, but he would make it home for Christmas that year. That was a great gift to us all.
Fortunately, myself nor any of my siblings smoke. I know celebrity deaths to any disease or condition often bring more awareness. So many loved ones are lost to lung cancer. Ironically, my former partner of ten years, lost his father to lung cancer a month after the death of my father.
I cared for my dad in the months prior to his passing and know how debilatating the disease can be. I slept on the floor next to his bed the night my dad died. Before I laid down, I whispered in his ear that I was right next to him if he needed anything. I began to pray as well asking God to have mercy and spare him any further suffering. Dad awoke me at 12:10 a.m. as he was having difficulty breathing. I prepared a masked breathing treatment and another dose of morphine. As I went to put the mask on his face, his eyes opened the widest I'd seen in days. Something came over me to whisper in his ear: "It was okay to let go." With a nod of his head he took his last breath. Just as sad a moment, it was a beautiful one as well.
My dad lived to make others happy no matter the cost. His love was uncondtional with no bounds or device. I try to live more like him these days. He graciously took what life tossed at him which included four gay children. He knew what could not be changed had to be accepted. He never forced us to take up any sport or live his dream. My fondest memory of Toby Cortez was when I was a small boy and while my mom did the grocery shopping with my grandmother, dad and I would head for the dime store. One Saturday he bought me a set of dishes. When we got home my mom was mortified: "Toby, that is not something you buy for a boy." My dad simply responded: "Rosemary, it's what he wanted." THAT was my father.
Now as for the title of this posting; my maternal grandmother, Katie Diguardi, a wonderful woman, was very superstitious. She believed in births and deaths in "threes." You never walked over someone as you were "walking over their grave." If you did this you had to repeat the process hence avoiding bad luck. A pregnant woman has one foot on the ground and one foot in the grave. Any dog or cat moaning down at the ground at your residence meant a death was immenient in the household. She stood firmly on the notion that a dog moaning at her front door days prior to my grandfather's death was proof of her claim.
I helped care for my grandmother in her final days as well. Grandma also said that the dying call out in their sleep to loved ones who have since passed. The night before she passed away, she awoke me calling out the name of my grandfather and others. I went to her bed to find her awake and proclaiming she was going to die. I assured her she was okay and asked her if she wanted anything. She asked if I had to go to work the next day and if so could I stay home. I replied "no." The next morning I went through the our usual ritual of a breathing treatment, diaper change and clean. I kissed her goodbye saying: "I love you." and headed to work. I called my folks at noon to check on her and the phone just rang. I then called my aunt and uncle who lived a few doors down and my uncle answered. I asked was everything okay at home. He told me my mom and dad were at the funeral home. My jaw dropped as I replied "funeral home?" My uncle suddenly realized I was hearing the news for the first time: "I'm sorry baby." he replied. "Your grandma died an hour ago." I found myself in tears and wondering who would be the next two?
Matt
I lost my father, Jerry "Toby" Cortez, (a long-time smoker) to this horrible disease last September. He was 70 years old. My dad was diagnosed and underwent surgery in October 2002 to remove a small mass from the lower right lobe of his lung. The doctor's informed us that dad was "stage 1" and his prognosis good. No chemotherapy would be necessary. His recovery was difficult, but he would make it home for Christmas that year. That was a great gift to us all.
Fortunately, myself nor any of my siblings smoke. I know celebrity deaths to any disease or condition often bring more awareness. So many loved ones are lost to lung cancer. Ironically, my former partner of ten years, lost his father to lung cancer a month after the death of my father.
I cared for my dad in the months prior to his passing and know how debilatating the disease can be. I slept on the floor next to his bed the night my dad died. Before I laid down, I whispered in his ear that I was right next to him if he needed anything. I began to pray as well asking God to have mercy and spare him any further suffering. Dad awoke me at 12:10 a.m. as he was having difficulty breathing. I prepared a masked breathing treatment and another dose of morphine. As I went to put the mask on his face, his eyes opened the widest I'd seen in days. Something came over me to whisper in his ear: "It was okay to let go." With a nod of his head he took his last breath. Just as sad a moment, it was a beautiful one as well.
My dad lived to make others happy no matter the cost. His love was uncondtional with no bounds or device. I try to live more like him these days. He graciously took what life tossed at him which included four gay children. He knew what could not be changed had to be accepted. He never forced us to take up any sport or live his dream. My fondest memory of Toby Cortez was when I was a small boy and while my mom did the grocery shopping with my grandmother, dad and I would head for the dime store. One Saturday he bought me a set of dishes. When we got home my mom was mortified: "Toby, that is not something you buy for a boy." My dad simply responded: "Rosemary, it's what he wanted." THAT was my father.
Now as for the title of this posting; my maternal grandmother, Katie Diguardi, a wonderful woman, was very superstitious. She believed in births and deaths in "threes." You never walked over someone as you were "walking over their grave." If you did this you had to repeat the process hence avoiding bad luck. A pregnant woman has one foot on the ground and one foot in the grave. Any dog or cat moaning down at the ground at your residence meant a death was immenient in the household. She stood firmly on the notion that a dog moaning at her front door days prior to my grandfather's death was proof of her claim.
I helped care for my grandmother in her final days as well. Grandma also said that the dying call out in their sleep to loved ones who have since passed. The night before she passed away, she awoke me calling out the name of my grandfather and others. I went to her bed to find her awake and proclaiming she was going to die. I assured her she was okay and asked her if she wanted anything. She asked if I had to go to work the next day and if so could I stay home. I replied "no." The next morning I went through the our usual ritual of a breathing treatment, diaper change and clean. I kissed her goodbye saying: "I love you." and headed to work. I called my folks at noon to check on her and the phone just rang. I then called my aunt and uncle who lived a few doors down and my uncle answered. I asked was everything okay at home. He told me my mom and dad were at the funeral home. My jaw dropped as I replied "funeral home?" My uncle suddenly realized I was hearing the news for the first time: "I'm sorry baby." he replied. "Your grandma died an hour ago." I found myself in tears and wondering who would be the next two?
Matt
posted by Matthew Cortez at 8/14/2005 10:18:00 AM
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